death.
what's death?
death in the dictionary means; dying, demise, decease, loss of life, passing away, killing, murder, slaughter.
if i were to choose a way to die, obviously i wouldnt want to be killed or slaughtered.
death, to me..
would be someone forever gone & i may never see that person again.
my reason for talking about death today was because..
i was hanging up the clothes with my mom today, & she suddenly said that she misses her friend alot. this friend, she passed away at the age of 52, due to cancer.
she never got to materialise her dream of coming to Singapore to visit my mom someday.
i remember the last time i saw her, her hair was already falling & she looked so weak, she was crumbling..
somehow, it reminded of me of my grandaunt on her deathbed :(
but the thing that makes my heart wrench is..
my mom's friend didn't have real relatives. her mom passed away at a young age and she was given away by her father.
her foster mother then passed away early and she left to the care of her foster aunt.
her foster aunt had her own adoptive daughter too, and thus she wasnt well taken of.
she worked day and night at a law firm, and tired herself out, thus resulting in her getting cancer. what contributed was also a irregular diet & meals at irregular times.
sometimes, i really pity her. to leave the world at such a young age..
i believe she had loads to accomplish. many places to go after she earns what she thinks is enough. yet she didnt have the chance to.
then, it dwelled on me that death is something all of us should never look forward to at this age.
in the past, i used to think that death would solve all problems, and yes, i've attempted suicide several times but when i almost did what i wanted to do, something would stop me and i stopped this act after 3 times i guess. went to church, and God told me that death isnt the solution to all problems. i cried alot, alot while praying that night. well, i still do when i pray nowadays..
then it made me look at life in a different light. God'll make our life full with hope, he'll try to let us accomplish what we want to accomplish so that we'll see life as something we would look forward to everyday. (:
and after i went to Taiwan, i realised that there were many things in life for me to figure and find out, life is full of surprises. if i want to end my life just at this point of time, i'll be cutting my surprises to the minimum and if its so, whats life all about? my life would just be a blank piece of paper, and teared into half with nothing on it. just wasted.
now, even if i were to be torn like a piece of paper, i'll make sure i'm colourful & there're words on every corner of me [: